Talentless

 

I feel so talentless, so empty. I have nothing special.

I know some people might miss me if I die, but honestly there is not a lot to miss.

Faible

Comment je suis faible quand la douleur me touche.

D'habitude je suis fort, je tiens le coup. Je résiste jusqu'au dernier minute, mais après un pincement je bascule un petit peu .

Un autre pincement et je marche un pas un arrière. Una autre pincement et je tombe par terre. Un autre, et je pleure. Un autre et je me sens mourir.

Ça fait quelques jours que je suis à l'hôpital, question d'une infection, due a une procédure de suivi pour une chirurgie.

Depuis la chirurgie je me sentais faible mais quand-même optimist, le principe de la fin avec ce machin de maladie. Cependant, au dernière partie du chemin la récupération tout commence à se défaire.

Fièvre,  brûlure et enfin de la douleur au reins.

Évidemment la visite aux urgences était obligatoire. Ça a été jeudi soir. Après une autre chirurgie et la récupération j'ai passé 4 jours à l'hôpital.

Une dernière cerise pour couronner ce gâteau. La dernière procédure avant de me laisser partir était censé d'être un changement de piece. Très simple. L'infirmière s'est trompé et il a presque refait une installation de la pièce 

Je n'ai plus la force.

To feel less lonely: be less lonely

I've been feeling alone, depressed and completely hopless. Not having a job means I don't have a purpose or a routine, but it also means I don't have to venture outside very often and because of that I don't interact with humans a lot. As an added bonus, I don't have friends. Yeah, very cliche, but true. I don't have anyone to talk with about my problems or about anything. Not even the people I used to know from Instagram or Facebook with whom I exchanged silly but significant messages about random subjects. Even if they weren't close  friends I still felt it was a way of communicate with someone and share my feelings.

So, my only contact to the human world was my boyfriend who has a tendency of talking a lot but doesn't have much patience for listening. And recent events have launched me into a constant bad mood, and my angryness makes less talkative than usual and I push him away. As a result I isolated myself from people.

It's been months like that. Until today.

I started my "cours de francisation" and the first class was in-person, with a real teacher and real people.

And... who would have guessed it... talking with people and being at school was actually refreshing. I'm good in a class, I can manage my weirdness just fine while socializing in class.

And... I felt a little less depressed.

So, it works. Getting in touch with people, getting outside. It works.